#Keep it simple silly license

It was going to be a small wedding in my best friend and cousins backyard out in the country. We were going to be surrounded by our family and the closest ones to us. I was sooo excited for how it was playing out, though. Getting married in 2020 was a nightmare in itself. But I hope this helps you cope with whatever you are struggling with at the moment! Remember that you are loved, cared for, and that Jesus loves you! And having faith that you will get through the tough time you are in if you just keep thinking positive, I promise you will survive this season in your life! 💗 It works for me and seems pretty simple. It helps the physical symptoms of your anxiety. When you are in a deep depression, try to think of your good memories. I call it 'Emotional Highjacking' but I don't think this a clinical term. This is what helps me when I'm in a flashback.

When I am in a flashback, I try to think of the good things instead of the bad, because that helps to keep me moving forward in life. But I want to share my story with Complex PTSD. If any of you have a mental illness, this might be triggering to some of you. I have felt so supported this last week with my husband and his work family, my family, our friends, our church family, and all of you on social that reached out knowing I was having a hard time. I need to do some self preservation and really take a look at what is causing this to happen continually because it affects everyone around me. So today is Thursday, March 10th, 2021 and I am adult Shawnie again and I need to protect my boundaries with certain people. She became very mean to me and I am so sensitive and couldn't handle it. This time it was a very mentally ill neighbor that I have tried helping. I feel guilty because my husband had to take 5 days off work to basically babysit a defiant 16 year old. I reached out my old best friend when I know I shouldn't have but she was who was 'safe' during that time. My husband had to bathe me (he's an angel) because I couldn't stop trembling and sobbing. I was shaking and crying uncontrollably and was smelling and tasting anything I could to trick my senses and comfort myself. I was afraid of the color orange because he had an orange sports bike.

#Keep it simple silly license

I was afraid of the cars and trucks and and license plates because my abuser was a car salesmen. Update: I wrote this at the start of a flashback and although some of it helped, I still went back to 2008 in my head. But I am worthy of love and friendship and have a damn good support system. I have feelings of guilt and shame I struggle with everyday. The purpose of this post is to let you know that I too am human. But I am going to start looking at the Complex PTSD portion of my mental illness and I believe my symptoms will be a lot less and very manageable once I start to heal from my past. I legit have little control over it once it starts. And I'm so grateful my family and husband know me and can get me back on track as soon as they recognize my symptoms. I absolutely could not get through it without them. And I feel a sense of great shame and guilt because my loved ones lives have to pretty much stop for 3 days while they help me overcome this. But 4 days a year I need some help myself. Friends and family usually feel comfortable coming to me for advice and I am a reliable and loyal friend. Now if you know me personally, you know I am an almost 30 year old with a positive outlook on life. They only last 3 or 4 days but I legit have to be babysat because I act like a 16 year old and start smoking and drinking and being very impulsive and don't think clearly or with an adult mentality. Especially when my family tells me 'You were having another episode'. I do not even like using the term 'episode', it makes me feel shame and flawed. When I am in an 'episode/flashback' they fuel each other. I have struggled with Bipolar II alongside Complex PTSD. I want this blog to be completely transparent and raw.